I am here for a higher purpose

A month ago, I took my first step to one of the biggest changes in my life. It has been something I've been looking forward and training hard for throughout the past year. Unknown to many, this has started a really long time ago, in fact before my graduation, which is more than a year. I have been going for interviews and medical check-ups, and finally signing my contract with the Air Force on the 31st of July. The reason for the delay was namely because there wasn't any intake in the vocation I wanted, and also because I was still sorting out many things in my life. I went through interviews and was accepted into a "better" vocation, but I was afraid that I would regret that decision so I would rather wait a year for something I want. 

Most of the people I know calls this a "Gap Year", whereby you take a year off studying and working so that you can decide which path you truly want to take after graduation. Unlike them, I spent that one year working because I think I've already figured out what I wanted, all that needs to be done is to get the waiting over and done with. During that year, working in the corporate world and being faced with things like sexual harassment, bullying and the lack of a meritocratic system, affirmed my decision even more. 

I will make it clear now that joining the Air Force isn't a choice I made as a last resort. It definitely isn't a last resort because I have a placing in a prestigious university course. Being in the Air Force and aviation industry has been a choice I made, and a choice that I am continuing to make, since young. I was influenced by my cousin who is a WSO fighter, which is why I chose to study in a polytechnic instead of JC, to get a private pilot license. But as I've shared previously in my blog, I failed the medical check-up because of my blood deficiency. That broke me and I felt like I lost all dream and direction that I've endlessly followed since young. Imagine how I felt when I took the chance with the Air Force and realized that I cleared the tests I previously failed (I'm endlessly thankful to pick up hockey and start getting fit, which might have improved my blood condition). It felt like I lost my way and suddenly, I found that same old familiar beaten path; It never felt more familiar and at home. I wasn't sure of what lies ahead of me and how my life would turn out to be like, but I can tell you for sure that no matter what lies ahead of me, at that moment, I felt like I can take it all. Having your dreams dashed, and finding them all over again, it gives you a temporary shield of invincibility. I found myself more motivated to do things with the best of my abilities.

A couple of weeks before my enlistment, I got myself a tattoo of one of my favorite latin phrases; She flies with her own wings. It serves as a reminder to me to always remember my dreams. No matter how tough things would get, the pain will bring me one step closer to fulfilling everything I've ever wished for. I am proud to say that throughout everything that I have been through, I found it all worth it. And I think that is what people seek most of their lives, to find something worth it. To find a passion that would run so deep in their veins that even mindlessly repeating it wouldn't change their mindset at all.

Contrary to what people believe, BMT for girls is exactly the same as it is for guys. For certain activities, such as IPPT, we are given a different and more realistic set of standards as compared to the guys. But that does not mean that we are in any way inferior, or weaker than men. I think it takes guts, perseverance and a vast amount of determination to make the choice as I did. I think it takes a lot more for us to subject and volunteer ourselves to the exact treatment that men dread and get forced into. In the beginning, I did this because I wanted to. But along the way, I feel the sense of patriotism and love for my country set in. I feel proud and honoured that along with so many others, I am now capable of protecting this land and the people I love on it. My emotions overwhelm and I found myself with tears in my eyes when I took my vow on the first day of enlistment. I feel strong, accomplished and the sense of responsibility I have right now is something I look forward to every single day when I wake up. 

BMT life was a whole new world to me in the beginning. It was tiresome and sometimes it gets in my head when I have to wait to do the same routine every single day. But with each day, I get better and more confident in my tasks. With each day, I strive along with my friends and fellow soldiers. I build friendship and a (sorry for the lack of a better word) brotherhood with people who go through thick and thin. I know these people around me would be for life because we have a strong foundation build through the tough times we shared together. I also know for sure that when things turn for the worst, there are people we can count on, and we can link hands to shoulder the weight of the world. 

Most of my bunkmates say that I'm headstrong and tough. They know of my high expectations for myself because I get very beaten up and I am hard on myself when I don't meet the goals I have for myself. In a way, I have accepted that and came to appreciate the good and bad. With my determination, I know I can help to encourage those around me and let us all believe that we are capable of so much more. At the same time, I am aware that this attitude can only hurt myself more because in the past month, I have suffered more injuries than I've ever expected. I was discharged from CGH with a possible meniscus tear (I have to see a specialist the coming tuesday), and I suppose that's the worst news I have received so far. It is also a good wake-up call because I have came to accept that our body have limits even if our mind knows no boundaries. I am proud of the person I am, and how I have changed in the past month. I run in Category A1 with the fast guys in my company for our group runs, my IPPT Cat test is a Gold, I am a marksman. I believe that I can be everything I want to be if I set my heart to it.

During one of my interviews before enlistment, someone asked me "The people in overseas army units are honoured and looked up upon. How do you feel about that?". I believe that my answer back then impressed the interview board, but as I repeat my words now, I feel a deeply set sense of purpose I didn't have before. Our soldiers get subjected to scrutinization and the judgement of the general public just because of our obligation to our country. We may not fight a real war, our country may not be torn apart by others. But if a body count and blood shed are the things you need to realize our importance and be thankful for the peace and stability this country has, then why should you be appreciative of anything else? Yes, we may not get the recognition and we may not feel the kind of pride that overseas soldiers may have when donning our uniforms. But I know that no matter what, this country is ours and I feel more than happy to guard it with my life.