Have you been overlooked before? I mean not literally having a person to stand in front of you and not see you. But to have someone forget your feelings, forget your very existence for that few moments in time. You don't know what went wrong. You kind of wish you can turn back the time to be there, waving with signal lights in hand to remind that person, "Hi, I'm right here. Please don't forget about me because it'll hurt for the rest of... I don't know, eternity?" You think about how someone can possibly say that you matter most because you're not supposed to hurt those who matters most to you.
That said, if someone chose someone else over you before, how do you rest assured that they wouldn't do it again? How would you know if the attraction of some shiny new thing, or long forgotten could-have-beens, or the possibility of feeling important or good about themselves, wouldn't falter that person again? How can you prevent yourself from being hurt? How would you know that given the circumstance, if it has happened before, what's stopping it from happening a second time? Because it's me, this is me and if I wasn't enough then, why would I be enough now? How do you find faith? How do you find the trust that you've painstakingly given away only to have it discarded like yesterday's trash? How do you forget and start anew, much less move on.
At the end of it all, do we ever move on? Do we ever forget the pain that only someone you truly care about and love with all you have can inflict on you? Can you love them the same way as you did before, a trust and love like a newborn baby that freefalls into anything, knowing that someone would be there to catch her at the end, no matter what. Yet at the same time, so naive, so weak, so vulnerable, so pathetic. Do we ever forget?
My memory of an elephant, it's tearing me up apart inside.
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