It seems like I failed at keeping my promise to keep this place as alive as it used to be :( Work robs me of my everyday activities, and when I actually am free, I go out and spend time with my favorite people instead.
Which reminds me…
I hope the remaining 348 days stays this way, because this year started out wonderfully. In fact, beautifully. I cannot express how happy I was to spend time with these important people. I have to admit, I’m someone who likes to remain cut off and unattached. Sometimes, I choose to put my guards up and keep my feelings and thoughts to myself because I believe it’s better that way. I’m also someone who tends to get too caught up with her work. I like things that don’t require any high maintenance or commitment, which pretty much explains why I like being alone sometimes. I wouldn’t have to adhere to anyone’s requests, meet anyone’s expectations, or make sacrifices for anyone. I like drawing because I draw when I want to. I don’t know to plan some extravagant date, or find a time that fits everyone’s schedule.
Yes it may seem selfish but I just think that if everyone else’s lives went on perfectly fine without me, then it would mean that I don’t hold much significance. And eventually, I just feel like I don’t have any right to be part of their lives or to demand anything of them. Most of the time, I wait till someone starts missing me before we would ever make plans to meet. I’m quite a sorry excuse of a friend, but lucky for me, most of my friends seem to be carved from the same block as I am. I find it extremely superficial to go out with my friends just to show that I have a social life, or to have more new photos to post on facebook or some social website. I would rather stick by these people who truly cares for me (I can tell), and no matter what we have between us; space/ distance/ time. We can easily overcome it the moment we meet. No awkward silences, no stranger conversations, no fidgeting, just people who have been separated falling back together again.
That said, I’m endlessly thankful for these friends who never fail to show me a truly good time. And of course, to start my new year in such a brilliant and happy way. I love each of you so much.
Not to forget, there’s also this wonderful boy who never fails to show me that he loves me. (He met my family for the second time and we went on an overseas road trip together! ^^) We’ve been seeing each other for more than a year, almost two years in fact. I am well aware of the fact that no relationship is perfect, and quarrels do arise every now and then. It’s especially hard for the both of us because we haven’t even got over the “honeymoon” phase before he has to enlist. Our time spent together is limited to the weekends, and more if we’re lucky. But we make it work don’t we? I hope we always do because you’ve truly been a dream come true and I’m really lucky to be loved by you.
Congratulations my soldier. I’m so proud of you for staying strong against the daily regimental life in NS, and also juggling our relationship at the same time. Nothing makes me more proud than to hold on to your arm while you’re all dressed up in uniform during your social night. I know you’re capable of so many many things, and I hope that wherever you go, my faith in you would remind you that you would always be loved. Stay strong Kenny, I love you so much. Most of all, I wish you didn’t have to leave. But all this would be worth it, I promise xx.
