Beginnings

A new year is supposed to mean new beginnings right? I hate that mine started without me feeling terribly carefree and happy, like there’s nothing that can possibly go wrong. I wish that I can erase the thoughts in my head or maybe just stop them from getting to me at times like this.
I always make the mistake of looking back into the past, and it’s not just mine. People like to tell others to live in the present and forget the past because it’s long gone and over. But how often do we find ourselves glancing back because really, it’s a curiosity that cannot be sated. Quite often, we come out from this curiosity hurt and troubled even more than before. I know that sucks but I’d say that sometimes it’s better to know and feel the ache than to just go on hoping that what you believe in is true.
I can’t help but wonder if the decisions that people make right now are merely reflections from the mistakes, the decisions they did not get right in the past. Sometimes I wish that I was in that past, because maybe then I wouldn’t need to keep thinking that much. But that’s impossible right? There is nobody that’s really been there all along. And all this hopeless thinking and wild thoughts can get me nowhere. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Maybe it should stop.