There's got to be something else out there for me

I think the thing I hate about myself the most is the insecurity. Sometimes my paranoia and fear gets the best of me, sometimes it makes me think twice, makes me doubt my decisions. And most of the time, it causes me to do something I regret. 
I get insecure, I become closed off. I have little hope in others because I don't ever want to be disappointed by those I care about. But I guess at the end of the day when that happens, you start to realize how little everything means to you. It's like how there are times that you want something really badly but you hold yourself back, and eventually when you pass off that chance, you have to convince yourself you're okay with letting it go. Truth is, you're not. You never will be, but you deal with it anyway because there's never any turning back in life. 

People says that insecurity is a little tiny part of a really huge happy thing. When you're insecure about something, it actually means that you care enough to bother. It means that something holds that significant value to you, such that you would fear losing it. It also means that you realize the importance of those things, people, time. Important enough that you're willing to fight for it. To waste the countless thoughts lingering on them, to lose your sleep at night pondering. Oddly enough, no matter how much a person may detest another overpossessive person, they can't help but feel satisfied when they realize that impact they have on another's life. Yet, it's also this security that makes things unbearable, that makes that other person a little harder to live with. What people don't realize is that with this insecurity, everything gets tiring. I spend half my time worrying about things others don't, I fight for things that would go away. 

This is getting tough. Sometimes all I really want is to draw this boundary, please don't ever come close to me. I don't want to deal with the thoughts that are put into my head. I don't want to allow my world to revolve around others, not again. I'm naive, weary, giving up. Nothing good comes of this. 
I feel sad and I don't even know why. I'm a whirlwind of emotions right now and all I want is to stop caring, stop thinking. Just stop. I wish things could be easier. Yet another sleepless night for me I guess. I wish things could be perfect.